Posts by Fed Up

13

advice please!

by blondy in

i could really use some advice.

i have never been a witness, but my boyfriend is(3rd generation).

his father is an elder, and his whole family is really into it.

Fed Up

What do you mean by "fearing losing his life"?

Oh! I can answer that one! He's refering to his ETERNAL life--meaning, that if he's no longer part of the JW organization, he believes he is destined for HELL--which of course, is not the "fiery pit" of other Christian religions, but rather nonexistence.

When my ex jw husband has given me THAT argument, my response is that I'd rather be nonexistent than to be STUCK throughout all eternity with a bunch of lying hypocrites.

And you think that you can SAVE his life by "freeing" him of them?

Don't you see the irony in that?

5

Why Is Dating Such a Chore?

by greenwithenvy in

i am divorced brother with two boys who dont live with me.

alot of sisters in the truth are interested in me but i am not really attracted to them and most bring drama.

most if not all sisters bring so much pressure that they make dating feel like i am living in a pressure cooker.

Fed Up

Many people in the "truth" end up married between 18 and 20. The reason for this is their hormones are going crazy, and they need to be relieved. The quick fix is marriage. The first available woman that comes along is able to relieve this pressure. But when you look at these couples, ask yourself if they truly walking on the same path with regards to normal daily living. That is what will make a marriage last. If you base everything on the faith you've chosen, then ANY girl qualifies, since all paths in the same religion are blandly the same.

Thank you so much! This is EXACTLY how my husband explained to me how he ended up married to his first wife (the EX), because other than the JW religion, they had NOTHING in common! He got married at age 19, mistaking being "horney and desperate" for being in love!

Was dating a "chore" for him after they broke up? Well, no because you see, his ex was the QUEEN of all drama queens, and put him through so much HELL, that by the time they were divorced he was a full-blown alcoholic and was disfellowshipped! He wasn't capable of holding a DAY job that way, and lost pretty much everything---except his voice!

Do you know how many women the lead singer of the crappiest local rock bank in town attracts? Downside's waking up the next morning and seeing the reality of what you dragged home with you the night before!

You know you found the right one when being with them comes naturally! My husband and I were best friends within the first HOUR of meeting each other! We talked until we were exhausted, and STILL couldn't stop--so we kept talking until we both passed out! He was SO good looking, that the second I saw him I almost dropped to the floor! I didn't date him for a very long time and finally told him that as much as I liked him, I couldn't be in a relationship with a practicing alcoholic--so he signed himself into rehab the next day, and has been "clean and sober" going on 20 years now.

We've had to "agree to disagree" where religion is concerned, and even though he'll never go back to the JWs, it KILLS me that he somehow still thinks it's the "truth"!

However, my husband can not STAND witness women, and even if I DIED tomorrow, he has told me he would never even DATE another one--for the following reasons:

1. He can't stand dependent women who expect HIM to be the one to go out and work his ASS off to support THEIR desired lifestyle. His ex's idea of 50/50 was for him to make all the money, while she got to spend it--and nothing was ever enough!

2. He couldn't stand having his religious beliefs used against him--if he looked at another woman, his ex would make him feel like the lowest-life piece dirt--and would chide him like a small child how he was "doing wrong" in the eyes of Jehovah! However, SHE flirted outrageously with every man--especially the elders in their congregation, who she got to "help" her keep him in line!

And MOST important, ESPECIALLY from a MAN'S perspective!

3. There is no "subtle" way to say this, so I'm going to have to come right out with it... According to my husband, JW women refuse to perform "oral sex" on their husbands claiming it is "unnatural" and against the will of Jehovah!

Number 3 alone is enough of a reason for him!

76

My heart has been broken in two -JW- HE IS MARRIED!!!

by Karissa in

my boyfriend and i (or i should say ex-boyfriend.

) have been dating for about 5 1/2 months.

this is not a long time i know but within this time we had both fell deeply in love with each other, it was very fast and very strong, heartfelt and beautiful.

Fed Up

The man is SCUM!!

The Jehovah's Witnesses do NOT hold the exclusive on SCUMBUCKET men!

I can not begin to count the number of women I know who have been HAD by SLIMEBALL men in the same way you were!

Myself? I'd get any kind of revenge I could, and get out, but if you tell his wife, don't be shocked if it doesn't come as much of a surprise to her! In fact, she might take "pity" on you and tell you about the last 5 or 6 women her husband has done this to!

You probably weren't his first, and won't be his LAST!

Next time someone tells you they're divorced, ask to see the paperwork!

24

Does Anyone Else Ever Encounter This???

by ohiocowboy in

i have been in a relationship for about 2-1/2 years now, and it seems that every time we have an argument or disagreement, it usually turns out to be my fault according to the other person, and my upbringing as a jw is always brought into the light, and also my depressive moods, this person knowing background of my exit from the org.

and the feelings it has caused me.

it feels as though they are using this as a "scapegoat", because even if that person comes home in a bad mood, or has to do something that they don't like, and an argument insues, i automatically am made the "bad guy", even though i was previously in a good mood before things started, and am reminded by this person how i must not be taking my antidepressants, or am thinking too much about my past, etc.

Fed Up

I've never been a JW so I can't speak on that--but I did go through a divorce and had problems with subsequent relationships until someone gave me some advice that turned the tables--at least for me anyway.

Relationships in a way are like employers. A new employer isn't going to pay you much more than the last one paid you--unless you manage to convince them that you are worth more--which is not likely, but it is easier not to admit just how much you were actually paid, and leave them with the PERCEPTION that you were paid much more, and they will pay you similarly. It is also never wise to say NEGATIVE things about your former employer, doing so only is not going to give your new employer a bad feeling about them, but about YOU!

It is the same for relationships. It is far better NOT to say negative things about your prior relationships. You don't have to lie, just say "it didn't work out", or "we had different goals".... or better, "I cared about him/her deeply, but our paths were moving in different directions..."

If you tell your potential new relationship that the last 5 treated you badly, you leave them with a negative perception about YOU! As if maybe you aren't worthy of being treated better? So why should you expect them to treat you any better?

No, it's not right, but that's the way it is!

Successful people don't dwell on past failures--not in business or in their relationships! OK, so at FIRST the need to talk about it may be overwhelming, so DO it, get it all out, and then move on! I HAD to talk about my ex--so I talked to total strangers--in the subway, sitting down with them in restaurants and buying them lunch, and getting it ALL out, so that by the time it was time to get ready for my date that evening, I was all DONE!

Once you learn to stop talking about it, you find you have to come up with OTHER things to talk about--and that takes WORK to come up with new subjects--concentrate on THAT, and soon you will find that occupies your mind and you will also stop THINKING about it as well! If you TRY hard to come up with POSITIVE things to say about your former relationships (and associations), and then VERBALIZE them, do it often enough, and you might actually suceed in managing to "trick" your mind into at least SOMEWHAT believing them! Then you can move on with your life!

Good relationships are supposed to be FUN, and you're never going to have any fun as long as you keep dwelling on the BAD baggage that you are bringing into your NEW relationship from the PAST! To move on, you have to stop THINKING about it! If you TALK about other things, eventually THEY will become more important than all that bad stuff from your past!

Good luck

27

What makes you happy?

by winter in

.

there are many thing's in this that makes us happy, could you mention one?

Fed Up

I I wake up and I'm not dead

A slice of pizza by my head

I'll know my day will be filled with richness

because I'm NOT a Jehovah's Witness

19

any suggestions for my "family problems"

by 1m2y3j in

it is very hard to condense 30 yrs of "in-law abuse" into a sentence or two, but hopefully some of you can relate and if you have found a way to cope/deal with it i'm all ears.

basically, my spouse and i have stayed together for 30-plus yrs because of being witnesses, despite extreme differences of values and goals.

half-way thru the lives of our children we both discovered the fallacies of wts and thankfully left this simultaneously.

Fed Up

Additionally, I am going back to college (with grants and scholarships) with the hope of preparing myself for being self-supporting when that time comes.

Hey! We're even MORE alike! You're going back to school? So did I! And OH! Couldn't even BELIEVE the number of grants and scholarships out there for returning "nontraditional students"--I had no idea! And if you're over 25? You don't have to APPLY for college, you just walk in to pretty much the college of your choice and just sign up for classes!

I had that same "hope" of being self-supporting, but as I was almost 40 when I graduated, was more than a little concerned that my age would have a negative effect on my ability to compete in the job market, and that I would never get that far. Well, HOLY COW! I'm THRILLED to tell you how very wrong I was! All I can say is--stay in school--it's WELL worth it!

Unlike Fed Up's opinion (and no offence intended Fed Up), people that allow others to be abusive without stepping in are still somewhat guilty of being abusive themselves.

I'm sorry if I gave the wrong impression, my husband DOES support me, and we have a very GOOD relationship.But his parents are rather elderly, and he doesn't want his last words to them to be spoken in anger or hatred. He doesn't yell at them, but he DOES get up, walk out the door, comes home and tells me every word they said, and then lets ME handle THEM! He has TRIED to discuss it with them, and so has the REST of of his relatives, but everything that he, and THEY say, just goes right over his parents heads! My yelling has at least had SOME effect, all the "discussing" in the world has had NONE!

sorry FedUp, but I don't think screaming is ever a good idea, whether you are posting on a discussion board or speaking to others. If you can't get your point across by using calm words, you may not have much of a point to start with.

Oh really??? OK, I'll admit my initial post on these boards was out of line, but anyone who actually KNOWs me in REAL life would roll on the floor laughing if they heard you say that to ME! The first 10 years I was with my husband I was NICE to my in-laws, because I wanted them to LIKE me! Then, after my husband and I had been together for 10 YEARS, his ex-wife broke up with her 2nd husband, and HIS parents tried to break US up, so he would go back to HER--assuming HE had been secretly "desiring" HER the WHOLE time he had been with ME! And they did NASTY things to me, ASSUMING that HE would approve! My husband was at the point of never speaking to his own parents again, and THAT'S when I started screaming--and it was more to protect HIM from having to do it himself, so HE would not end up in a permanent "rift" with his own parents.

And it DID work--for the next 10 years, but now his ex has divorced AGAIN, and her and HIS parents are at it again!

I have 2 stepdaughter who I am VERY close to. We get along GREAT--until his parents show up and start SCREWING with their heads and have been involving THEM! Before I was pissed, now I'm LIVID! OK?

19

any suggestions for my "family problems"

by 1m2y3j in

it is very hard to condense 30 yrs of "in-law abuse" into a sentence or two, but hopefully some of you can relate and if you have found a way to cope/deal with it i'm all ears.

basically, my spouse and i have stayed together for 30-plus yrs because of being witnesses, despite extreme differences of values and goals.

half-way thru the lives of our children we both discovered the fallacies of wts and thankfully left this simultaneously.

Fed Up

I've had 20 years of jehovah's witness in-law abuse, and my screen name reflects my sentiments regarding it!

NO WAY would I divorce my husband because of THEM! That's what they're HOPING for!!!

Why would you even THINK of giving them the satisfaction?

Unless there's more to it? 30 years of marriage for the kids sake? Aren't they GROWN by now? At this point, your divorce should not have any effect on your children's stability, and if you are truely being abused, it would seem to me that staying together would have more of a negative effect. Would you want your daughter to stay in an abusive relationship? If you're comtemplating divorce though, it should be because of how you feel about your HUSBAND, not because of how you feel about your in-laws--you didn't marry THEM!

My suggestion? It was my husband who was raised a witness, not ME! My parents taught me not to feel "inferior" to ANYONE, and if they did that to me?

I'd confront them! Now, I can go from "zero" to "satan's hell spawn" in roughly 5 seconds flat, and can scream happily for hours on end--just got my voice back after losing it for almost 2 weeks after my most recent bout, but...

I don't NEED my husband to defend me--all I ask is that he stays out of my way! I am FAR better at defending myself--and enjoy it SO much more than HE ever could! Of course, this hasn't actually fostered a GOOD relationship with my in-laws, but, well, I've come to realize that they will never LIKE or ACCEPT me, so I guess FEAR will have to do! They learned a LONG time ago that I respond immediately, with extreme violence!

But you don't have to scream to get your point across--for me, it's just more FUN that way--but instead, get yourself some good books on dealing with "verbally abusive people"--go to your local Barnes and Nobles or visit Amazon.com. They have some good techniques you can employ to defend yourself against false accusations and turn the tables on them.

Good luck!

14

stuck between a rock and a hard place!

by Luscious Vixen in

so i'm new to this forum but i just thought that someone out there might be able to relate to the situation i'm in---here it goes...!

i'm stuck in the middle of my spouse who is no longer a witness and his family who are very involved in the religion i myself was raised jewish and don't really have any commitments to any religion but don't see anything wrong with those that do however my husband is very anti anti-any type of organized religion.... at times i think he's against me because i had a normal upbringing with a big loving family and a normal childhood during which i could play sports and mingle with all types of friends regardless of their background... but my husband has a lot of anger about his childhood that he missed out on and the sports he didn't get to play and "excel" at so now he has no appreciation for things that i find important holidays or pushing yourself beyond your own physical limits just to see how far you can... life can be really difficult at times and i feel like we were raised on two different planets!!!!!!!!!!

eventhough my husband is no longer in the religion sometimes i feel like it is a 3rd partner in our marriage that i have to constantly compete with and work hard to overshadow.... i'm trying so hard not to let this break me but at times i'm at my wits end... can you relate????

Fed Up

Hi Luscious!

I just came to this board the other day myself and your situation sounds a lot like mine. My husband's an ex witness who came complete with all the baggage from his JW family--who are highly active and ELDERS in the religion, and yeah, sounds like your husband has the same anger as mine--as well as the lack of appreciation for holidays, sports competitions, NORMAL dating, etc...

You know, sports competition is actually important as it TRAINS you on how to function, work as a team, and compete--not just in sports, but in business! My husband wasn't encouraged to go on to college either--what??? Doesn't the governing counsel of the JWs realize that by not encouraging and enabling their members to acquire the skills necessary to excel in business, that 10% they are required to "tithe" will probably never amount to much? How much DUMBER could these money grubbing #$#$#$s get?

OK...back on the subject... I read all the others advice, and I've got to tell you. I'm sure they all mean well, but...none of it would do my husband any good, and probably not yours either. Here's why...

1. Seek counseling? Ummm...you're here, not him, and if he's anything like MY husband, he doesn't think HE'S the one with the problem. Counseling only works on people who accept the fact that they have a problem, and are OPEN to counseling. Otherwise, it's a waste of time and money.

2. Hey! That book sounds great and I just ordered it! But my husband would consider it "propaganda" and you couldn't PAY him to read it! Might help ME though--so THANKS!

3. Build a "bridge" between the two faiths? Oh PLEASE!!! It's not even POSSIBLE to "build a bridge" between the JW and Protestant religions! And you want to try it with the Jewish relgion???? No #$#$#$#ing way!!!

4. Encourage him to come to these boards? My husband is PISSED that I'M here! Hey Luscious? Don't hold your breath!

Live long enough Luscious and the one thing you will learn is that in life, the only person you can control is YOURSELF! My husband and I? We've simply agreed to disagree--or in otherwords, we both understand that neither one of us is ever going to be able to convince the other of certain things, and we've learned to accept, and live with our differences. Concentrate on YOURSELF, and making YOU happy. Happiness can be infectious, and he might just "catch" it from you and make up his mind to follow along!

Oh, and...

He is stuck in a place many exiting JWs are or were.... they don't want to practice it anymore but they still deep down (because of mind control) believe it is The Truth and that they will die because they've left God's Only True Organization( TM ).

When it comes to my husband, you are SOOOO right, and I'm working on it.....

13

"You're insane."

by Markfromcali in

this quote is taken from the movie fight club, spoken by edward norton's character "jack.

" tyler, who is jack's imaginary friend, responds by saying: "no, i think you'll find that you're insane.".

the reason tyler says this is the fact that jack is the one who is imagining tyler into existence, and taking him as real.

Fed Up

OK Mark, but I have to ask. Why are you a Spoonmonkey from rathergood.com?

13

The Soap Opera Continues

by JohnR in

after reading many stories here i guess i should have seen this coming but i would not have thought it possible with my family.. my brother and his family went over to the org over ten years ago.

we were informed recently that one of my nephew's(jeff) got out and we could not be happier.

jeff is seeing a woman who is very nice.

Fed Up

I was of the impression that this religion no longer REQUIRED the shunning of immediate family members, so if they are shunning their own son, they're doing it on their own!

I agree with all those who said invite EVERYONE and anyone who has a problem with anyone else who is there just doesn't have to come!

This problem is not "unique" to JWs. Frankly, my husband and I have a real problem going to HIS family get togethers where his EX is invited. That has NOTHING to do with religion, as his parents REFUSE to shun disfellowshipped family members--as well as EX family members. We just don't like being ignored by his parents, who HANG on his ex-wife, who spends her time insulting me, while coming on to my husband! So the decision to stop attending HIS family functions was OURS. It's OK though. None of MY family are JWs, ex or otherwise, and are WONDEFUL to us!

I especially liked the post about not negotiating with terrorists!